Well, against my better judgment I actually sat down and read Dan Brown's first Robert Langdon novel Angels and Demons. Why, oh why, please God tell my why I decided to put myself through the excruciating torture. It was the most disgusting, disappointing drivel it has ever been my unfortunate decision to read. It was brainless, unbelievable and completely formulaic.
I am not alone in my contempt, hate and disgust for Dan Brown. Here are just some criticisms his writing has received in the past:
- The acclaimed author Salman Rushdie called The DaVinci Code "a book so bad it makes bad books look good," and stated that "Even Dan Brown must live. Preferably not write, but live."
- Stephen Fry has referred to Brown's writings as "complete loose stool-water" and "arse gravy of the worst kind." In a live chat on 14 June 2006, he clarified, "I just loathe all those book[s] about the Holy Grail and Masons and Catholic conspiracies and all that botty-dribble. I mean, there's so much more that's interesting and exciting in art and in history. It plays to the worst and laziest in humanity, the desire to think the worst of the past and the desire to feel superior to it in some fatuous way."
- In his 2005 University of Maine Commencement Address, best-selling author Stephen King put Dan Brown's work and "Jokes for the John" on the same level, calling such literature the "intellectual equivalent of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese." (These are harsh words coming from the man who writes most of his books coked out of his brain! And there was no excuse for IT. Sorry Stephen King.)
- The New York Times, while reviewing the movie based on The DaVinci Code, called the book "Dan Brown's best-selling primer on how not to write an English sentence".
I really hope they had a blind, deaf dumb crack team of monkeys at typewriters for a comparison to that statement of IQ. I'm pretty sure I have indoor plants with higher IQ than Dan Brown displayed in that novel.
My joy came however when fellow Llama lovers described Dan Brown as the Anti-Christ and compared The Da Vinci Code film to the travesty that was National Treasure. Check it out here at The Llama Butchers . ehehe, thinking about that film still makes me laugh. MacGuyver returns! He also made a brief comeback in Andgels and Demons, as we were meant to believe that Robert Langdon could survive a fall of kilometers out of the sky, beating an anti-matter explosion, and landing in the Tiber River, holding only a piece of tarp. Yes that's right folks, next time your plane crashes, fear not, as long as you have your trusty tarp! Yet still Robert Langdon comes up short, since we know MacGuyver would have needed nothing but a piece of chewing gum and a paper clip. Suck on that Robert. Your tarp is inferior.
Anyway, the conclusion to my story is simply this: Don't for the love of all that is holy pick up any of Dan Browns books if you wish to keep any semblance of sanity.
Instead, go out on the town for a night of binge drinking, take heaps of drugs and maybe step into an amateur boxing ring and get beaten around the head a few times. I'm pretty sure you'll have more brain cells left after doing that for an evening than reading any of Dan Brown's novels. I challenge you to prove me wrong!